5 Reasons Why We Are Silent
Dancer: Ariel Hortin Photographer: Tyler SmithHaving a mental illness is hard. I mean- really hard. I recently had a discussion with several other people about whether or not they talk to people about their mental illness. I continually find myself torn- do I say anything? Or do I pretend I'm "normal"... since we all really want to be normal, anyway?
My focus group all had about the same answers that I did. The consensus was that we don't talk to anyone about it unless they're family, super-close friends, or otherwise have the need to know (to be determined after long contemplation, or in a moment of emergency).
Here's why many of us are silent:
5. I've already mentioned: we keep it to ourselves, unless there's a need.
My favorite excuse that we use is that we don't want to make it an issue. There's this stigma attached to any mental illness. So, instead of furthering the stigma by using it as an excuse, we use it only when necessary. There doesn't need to be a big "to do" about it. I'm still me. You don't tell me your deepest struggle right when you meet me, right? No. Now you get it. We're not less than by having something we struggle with- so why would we tell you? We're doing what we can to manage. We appreciate your patience.
In the event, that we do have to tell, we tell those that may have a hand in our continual recovery. Those who would be a caregivers, family, close friends. These are on a need to know basis.
All in all, most of us don't like to advertise that we have Bipolar. However, we don't necessarily hide the fact, either.
4. Hard to explain a mental disease- seems like science fiction, but it's our reality
Ain't that the truth? There are lots of scientific reasons that cause Bipolar disorder in the brain, but trying to explain any of them sounds like the next Star Trek movie. Something doesn't connect right, so it causes behavioral changes that take you to extreme highs and extreme lows, adding in a level of irritability and fogginess that could only come from an outside source?
Or better yet... we're possessed, right? Thank you very much. You just made me feel worse than I already do just trying to battle the stupid episodes. Now, we've added in isolation from the outside as well as the inside and our situation just became impossible- and very lonely- to fight. This is our reality.
3. None of Your Business
Many of us have become a little jaded in our Bipolar journey. Bipolar is a very personal and difficult thing. It's hard when you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it. We see how difficult we can be during an episode, and it really sucks for us. There are times that I can't control it or even manage it. It makes me ANGRY; angry at myself, angry at everyone else for blaming me instead of helping me, and even angry at God for ruining my life and cursing me.
For all these reasons, why should we tell you? Again, you don't tell me everything that's hard for you- or the things in life that make you the most vulnerable. So, why should you have the right to know the intimate details of my life?
2. Bipolar makes us very isolated, so we have no one left to tell
I mentioned this already, but isolation is a huge thing in those suffering from Bipolar. When in a manic episode, we focus so much on our projects and hyperactive behaviors, that we don't really even notice those around us. So, we push people away. When depressed, we feel so worthless that we believe we aren't even good enough to be with other people. In both cases, we separate ourselves from others, losing opportunities to bond with others.
Then, there's the other side of that- there are people who separate themselves from us when they learn of our mental illness. Whatever their reasons for this, it further isolates us from others, making it more difficult to bond or trust again.
1. Afraid of the Reactions of Others
Stigma is an ugly word in general, but the stigma that is attached to mental illness can be dangerous- even life threatening. Stigma is why most of us don't talk about our illness. Here are several specifics that scare people into silence:
Too many people just don't care. I mean, why should they put forth the effort to understand me?
Many people think we’re just making excuses- they're too quick to judge
When people find out, they start judging me and I'm not longer seen as me anymore
They become embarrassed because of me
I'm tired of explaining- they use it against you and treat you differently because of it
I've been called crazy because of it
People tend to define us by the diagnosis once it is brought to their attention.
I want to be open, but I lack courage- too much stigma and misunderstanding
No one understands except those going through it and their caregivers
Other than those close to you, they can't handle it.
I'm sure that many people don't realize how sensitive we are to these sorts of judgements. It hurts- it really does. But, we aren't lesser because we have an illness in our head.
People deal with illnesses all the time. What about Diabetes? It's a part of some lives. They have to manage it, and change some aspects of their life to live normally. Would you judge them? Or someone with cancer; would you tell them to "snap out of it" or just "choose to grow their hair back"?
NO, right? That's stupid! Nor should you expect someone with depression to just "choose to be happy"? Or someone with anxiety to "get over it". It doesn't work like that!
I could probably vent about this subject for another 10 pages, but I'll save that for another post. PLEASE understand that we're not trying to be secretive about our illness- we just want to feel safe. Grant us at least that.
Luv, Michelle