For a long time, now, I’ve had a feeling that I’m going to die young… and not by suicide. I learned that many people with neuropsychiatric disorders struggle with age-related problems, thus aging faster than your normal human being. My husband has had cancer in his young years. That can take years off a person’s life as well… but I still believe I’m going to die first.
Last night, I woke up at 3 something and couldn’t fully go back to sleep again. I spent hours tossing and turning, either sleeping very lightly or not sleeping at all- fixing my pajamas that get all twisted up while I’m trying to be comfortable… with no luck. During all that time, I had a dream. I hardly ever dream- so this was a big deal. It was very lucid.
I was on my bed, and it was propped up. Apparently, I wasn’t doing very well. I was about ready to die, and I was saying my good-byes to both my family and a random person that I think represented you, my readers. I was frantically trying to give all my words of wisdom to my children- to keep them believing that I will be there for them after I’m passed on.
There was something that kept popping up as I showered my family with hugs and kisses. Two images, I guess. One of a pile of worn down papers- covered in typing and hand-written messy notes… and the other was a finished book.
Not too long ago, I started writing a book. This is not new news- I get new ideas for books all the time; mostly based on research that I’ve done or want to do. This, one, however, is different. This one is my story. It has a few stories in it about my personal journey, but mostly things that I’ve learned while trying to manage Bipolar.
Getting a Bipolar diagnosis can be terrifying and is life-changing for a person. It took me a long time before I was able to move past the grief of it, and take control of my life again. Which you can. Bipolar doesn’t have to be a death-sentence. There are lessons you can learn; there are strengths you can draw from it; you can become a strong individual from working with it- instead of against or ignoring it. And that is the purpose of my book. Look to the positives- find what works for you. You ARE able to lead a somewhat normal life.
And now that I was reminded of it (I haven’t written in it for a while), it is time to pull it out again- that I can try to spread hope for my family and any of you who might be struggling with it.
This morning, I looked up an article about the aging that might happen around neuropsychiatric disorders. (Found “Bipolar disorder speeds up biological aging”- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318658). And though its true that Bipolar is linked to faster aging, those who use Lithium as part of their treatment, the aging process slows back down.
So maybe I won’t die as soon as my brain wants to think it will.
I’m so impressed with your positive attitude and resilience. I’d love to read your book if you ever publish it. You are an inspiration to all you come in contact with!🥰❤️🙏