Yes, believe it or not, I’m still stuck on this job search bit. I really want to get out there and do something with myself and with my life.
For someone with Bipolar, it’s very easy to get stuck in a pattern of overthinking. Even to the point of obsessing about one thing or another. I guess now I’m obsessing about my future. I want to work just to get out of the house, so even just part-time should be enough. But I also want to help people and make my mark on the world. And I really want to enjoy doing it. It is a puzzle worth solving.
I feel like I keep running around in circles. On the one hand, I have the experience and the knowledge of the arts. And to be truthful, I get a lot of joy out of mentoring other aspiring performers- so I can’t ignore that.
On the other hand, I’ve been obsessed with the idea that movement can change and maybe even fix the brain. (I learned this from the moment “the brain dance” was introduced to me in 2005.) I remember that even since high school, I was praised for my “scientific aptitude”- and I’m done ignoring that.
There aren’t many jobs available for someone with my level of arts understanding. I would be great for the public school system, except to work with kids in this state, you need a certain teaching certification, even when just working with kids a little bit, instead of full time. And this is an age group that I’ve always worked with. I do want some level of change… I have always wondered what it would be like to choreograph for professional dancers. Even going to a college or university would be change enough for me. But, they require a Master’s degree in order to teach there.
I really don’t have enough experience at all in any type of scientific setting, either, except for the research that I do on my own. I understand there’s merit in doing my own research- and I keep trying to get into a groove to write my own books about Bipolar, management, and brain research… That would be something. Maybe I can publish someday. But somehow, that’s not enough for me. I would love more scientific knowledge of mental health, thinking, movement, etc. It’s difficult for me to try to get something out of reading (ADD makes it very difficult to focus on my own). So, I believe learning stuff from a teacher and a classroom setting would help me a lot faster.
So, either way, I need more training. As part of my puzzle, I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what program would help me the most- what exactly do I want to do for the rest of my life? I need to find something that is a combination of both arts and science because I don’t want to say goodbye to either one. I’ve toyed with stuff I’ve done before, stuff that was close, but a new atmosphere, or stuff that has nothing to do with any of it- something new and unexplored.
And it all boils down to the same thing every single time: I need to do Dance Therapy. It has both the arts and the science, a direct opportunity to help people, and room to still pursue other careers if I want. I really think this is the answer. I have gone down this path before, and always psych myself out for some reason or another (self-doubt is my biggest enemy), so I never even got to admissions. There is a program near here in Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. It’s a low-residency program, so I could do most of it at home with only a few summer classes in person.
I’m sure we’ll run into problems as we go along, like paying for it, or bipolar getting in the way; but I feel more sure that I can do it this time- probably because I’ve looked at so many more options that I see even more reasons why this program is for me. Now comes the hard part- making it happen. Today, I can say a phrase that I rarely hear from myself: I can do this.