Preparations
Preparing for a trip means more than just clothes, I also have to prepare to manage Bipolar as needed.
I’m really looking forward to going to Utah and visiting my family… to the point that I’m already choosing what clothes I should pack, how to keep my stuff to a minimum, etc. I really want to go a step further today and reserve our hotel room and create a schedule.
There are a couple of things that have taken over my mind for the past few days. One of them is making a travel wallet to carry the necessities as we go through the airport. I’m excited about it because I have this fabric that looks like an old, worn down map- perfect for a travel wallet. I think I’ll look at patterns today on pinterest and see what ideas we can come up with.
My other obsession for this trip (and this has really been an obsession) is shoes. Utah is quite hot in August, so I think I need some sort of sandal, but the actual travel part (driving, walking through the airport), I need something sturdy and very comfortable. I don’t have anything that is all of those things… so I’m kind of stuck. I first went to TJ Maxx, and I found a pair of sandals that seemed like a good fit. I even walked around the whole store wearing them to see if they would stay comfortable. They did… at the store. When I got home, it was a different story. I’ve been trying to find solutions just working with those same shoes, but I have yet to solve all of the problems. I tried going shopping at multiple stores for shoes, but none of them are quite right. I found some on Amazon that look promising, but my husband is not supportive. He has a good point- why buy shoes you can’t try on yet? But I’m kind of getting desperate. The shoes need to be perfect. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on this… or why it means so much to me, but it does.
I still have a month and a half before my trip. I hope the solution will present itself.
I’ve got a few specific things planned for when we are in Utah. I’m going to take a friend out to lunch… she was my best friend in junior high. When we see each other after long periods, it’s like we were never apart.
I am going to meet up with another friend and her new husband. I can meet him, and catch up with her. She and I served religious missions together. It was while she was my companion that I first questioned my thoughts and actions… not knowing at the time that I had Bipolar. She was very patient with me, and I appreciate her for that.
My sister, who lives in Nevada, is also coming to “Grandma and Grandpa’s house” for a couple days, so we’ll have some time to visit. My brother lives close, too, so I’m hoping to catch up with them as well.
One of my favorite restaurants doesn’t exist out here in Connecticut, so I plan on eating at Zupas every day that I can. It’s a soup, salad, sandwich place. Sooooo good. I really like the nuts about berries salad, the tomato basil soup, and there’s a number of their sandwiches that I’m wild about.
Oh, yeah! My mom has started a quilting company that I might take advantage of while I’m there. I like to make purses and wallets sometimes, and we thought it might be great to have a number of purses be quilted. So, we’re going to quilt a bunch of fabric that I can then cut out and piece together for some fancy purses. So, I’ll be packing some fabric. I hope I have room in my suitcase.
I keep thinking for the most part, I’m just going to relax on this trip… but I’m not sure that’s going to happen… You see, when I’m around my parents and my siblings, I tend to fall into who I used to be. My voice gets louder, I try to be the center of attention and seek out anyone’s validation that I can get. That’s not me anymore and I hate that my family triggers that side of me to come out. Jake and I call it “host mode”. It has been happening forever, so part of me wants to believe that it’s its own thing. But I know its mania. My family triggers mania. Since I know this bit of information… I also have to prepare strategies that will help keep me calm. Deep breathing is good. Grounding strategies are helpful. One that I like a lot is smoothing out the wrinkles in the jeans I’m wearing. I like the feeling on my fingers. I like the feeling on my leg. I like how the jeans alter as I pick different wrinkles to push down on. I’m not against giving myself a timeout if I need it. The biggest help is to just be aware of where my feelings are, and what I’m doing while presenting myself. The world is not all about me. I need to do more listening than talking.
It’s super easy to just act how I feel like acting… but, having bipolar, I also know that I can cause a lot of hurt that way. So, I need to be aware all the time- especially in an environment that might cause a trigger. I was thinking a lot about this the other day; though it might be “natural” for me to act a certain way, I’m responsible for it. And if it causes problems for me or for others, I’m the one responsible for it, or managing it, so it won’t cause a problem for me or those around me… especially family.
Update- I found the right shoes. A good fit, super comfortable, arch support, open at the toe, on the sides, and open heel with an ankle strap. I don’t even need to break them in. Whew!